


Even If She Falls

by pen_park



Category: Legacies (TV 2018), Posie - Fandom
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 09:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21508993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pen_park/pseuds/pen_park
Summary: Penelope Park is heartbroken. Her world is crumbling to pieces and the only person who seems to be able to put them back together is the one person she can't stand, Josie Saltzman.{Enemies to lovers}
Relationships: Penelope Park & Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 72
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

**_[Penelope]_ **

“I’m sorry. It’s over.” 

The words hit me like a freight train, one I never saw coming. There were no warning signs, no hiss of the brakes signaling that the train was slowing down. Instead it hit me all at once, full speed, and it hurts. 

His brown eyes are sad and heavy and I can tell that he really is sorry. If MG wasn’t the kindest boy I had ever met then I might have thrown something or screamed a plethora of curse words at him, but instead I just stand there looking at the person I thought I would spend forever with. 

“Say something. Please.” His words sound distant like I’m being dragged under water and I don’t even realize his hands are wrapped around mine until they feel like heavy weights pulling me under. 

What am I supposed to say? _Ok? No worries? Fuck you?_ I want to say something witty and spiteful, something that will really hurt, but it’s MG and I could never be mean to him. He’s been the only consistent person in my life since my parent’s divorce and up until this point he has never hurt me - not like this. 

“Penelope.” 

My hands eventually tear themselves from his grip and I finally feel like I’m back on land, my eyes meet his guilt-ridden ones and it takes every bit of strength I have to not crawl into his arms and cry. “Why?” I whisper, afraid that if I’m any louder the lump in my throat will break and cause a waterfall of tears. 

The lines in MG's face start to grow deeper and I can tell he doesn’t want to have to do this, but he looks like he doesn’t have a choice. “Honestly,” he looks down for a second and it takes a deep, heavy sigh for him to finally look back at me, “I can’t do this anymore.” 

“Do what? You and me?” 

The summer after 9th grade was the first time I had met MG. We had grown up going to school together, but we ran in different cliques. He was smart, on the basketball team, and apart of the debate club. I was someone who thought I knew everything and thought high school sports were lame (which I still do). My mother and I had moved across the street from him after my father left us for his secretary. I became cold and harsh, my instincts were to push people away, to never let people close to me, but MG saw something special in me. He became my crutch, the only person I ever needed in life. We started dating that October. I had quickly fallen for his boyish charm and compassion. Everyday he would promise me the world and so far he had been living up to his promise, until today. 

Taking a step forward, MG grabs my hands again and I don’t have the energy to tear mine away because a piece of me wonders if this will be the last time he ever does. “I’m sorry Penelope. I just … I can’t keep putting in 100 while you give 50 back. It’s … exhausting.” 

It feels like razor blades are being dragged down my skin as he says this. _It’s exhausting_. I understand I’m hard to love. I know I have walls up and that I’m guarded. I know I can be mean and selfish at times, but MG knew that. He was the only person who could look past all of those flaws and love me for who I was. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I know he means it. He’s a genuine guy and one thing he’s never been is a liar. 

“When did you stop loving me?” 

MG shakes his head while his hands grip mine with more force. “I didn’t stop loving you. I still love you, but it’s been two years Penelope and you still won’t let me in … not 100 percent.” 

“I’ll let you in. More.” I say, the lump growing bigger by the second. I’m in pain trying to keep the tears back, but I haven’t cried since the day my father left and I promised myself I would never allow anyone else to make me cry. “Please MG, don’t leave me.” 

Tears are falling down his face now and I move my hands from his grip to cup to his jaw. I need him. I want him. My lips press against his with everything I have. I hope that they can convey everything I can’t vocalize, but it doesn’t seem to work because his hands grab my shoulders and push me away. “I’m sorry.” He says once more before walking through my front door and leaving me a mess. 

For an hour I just sit against the cold black door, the pain circling inside of me like a set of dirty sheets. What do I do now? I could call my girlfriends, they’d be over in a matter of 10 minutes with stolen tequila and cheesy rom-coms, but I don’t want to talk to them because they just wouldn’t get it. They never really liked MG anyway. They thought he was lame and too nerdy for me, but I didn’t care because I loved him more than anything.

I think about calling Hope, the girl I called my best friend till we drifted apart last year. It wasn’t so much me as it was her. She said she didn’t like the girl I was becoming or the group I was always hanging out with. She didn’t like that I was drinking a lot on the weekends, getting stuck in detention after school, and becoming one of the mean girl’s we promised we’d never become. And I can’t blame her for that, but once my parents divorced it felt good to fit in at the top like if they couldn’t adore me at least my classmates would. I never blamed her for leaving though. There were seconds I’d look in the mirror and see the girl I was becoming, but the stubbornness always won out and I thought that no matter what if MG loved me there had to be some redeeming qualities because he was perfect and he had chosen me. 

Suddenly, I realize I know where I need to go. Not because I need someone’s company or for someone to give me reassuring words that I’ll be fine, but because I need answers and I need to angrily yell at someone about this. 

I run to my purse, grab my keys, and set off towards my car. My engines roars as it turns like it wants to hype me up. My hands are angrily gripping the wheel and I back out like I’m on the clock. Cars and streetlights pass me, but all I’m seeing is red. 

_Exhausting._

The words rings over and over in my ears, each time causing me more pain and anger. How long has he felt like this? I think back to us just two days ago lying in his bed, my head placed comfortably on his bare chest while MG’s fingers ran through my hair. We stayed there for hours just talking. In that moment I really thought we’d be forever, but that boy has just shattered my world into pieces of sharp glass that cannot be repaired. 

Of course it hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows, I’m my parent’s daughter. Like my father, I’m stubborn and hotheaded. Like my mother, I’m cold and sarcastic. I’ve tried my entire life not to be like them, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

I make a quick left, ignoring the honking coming from the ratty car I just cut off. Hit me, I dare you to. Nothing feels like it matters anymore because if MG can’t love me for my flaws, then there’s no one that will. 

A few minutes later I find myself in front of the beautiful brick house numbered five. The lawn is perfectly manicured and there are halloween decorations scattered across the front yard. Even though it’s not that chilly yet, there’s smoke coming out of the chimney and it just screams homey. 

As I shut the car engine off I curse to myself. Fuck, am I really here? I don’t want to be, but I can’t help it. I need to blame this on someone because I can’t handle it alone. 

I look up at the far right window, the light is on and I can just picture Josie Saltzman lying on her bed, painting her toenails a nauseating pink. She’s probably freshly showered and wearing tacky plaid pajamas, it’s enough to make me sick. 

I only know that’s her bedroom because I’ve been dragged here by MG on multiple occasions. I would never be here on my own accord. He’d always use the, ‘you’re my girlfriend, you have to try and make an effort to be friends with my friends’, to get me to come. And because I loved him, I would, whether I liked it or not. If you ask me, I consider that giving more than 50%. 

Taking in a deep breath, I open the car door and place my booted feet on the ground. I’m ready to tear her apart because she probably had something to do with this. She’s Josie Saltzman and she’s meek and annoying and MG’s best friend. She’s the kind of girl my friends and I pick on because her A-type attitude is irritating and her sweetness is unnerving. 

From the moment MG and I started dating, Josie had tried to become my friend. She’d make an effort to bond over television or music, but it quickly become apparent that the only thing we actually had in common was MG. Eventually the girl stopped trying and it seemed like MG was always trying to split his time up between the two of us. 

It had to be her. Less than a week ago MG is asking me to the homecoming dance with balloons and flowers and then he’s suddenly in my home telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? I refuse to accept that it’s all his idea because we were madly in love and though I was tough to be with, he took me for who I was. 

Before I know it I’m standing on their porch and my hand is banging against the obnoxious red door. After the second knock, it swings open to Mr. Saltzman’s endearing face. For a history teacher, he’s very handsome and as much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s one of the best teacher’s at The Salvatore School. “Penelope?” He looks confused when he notices that MG is not beside me. “Uh, I don’t believe MG is here.” 

MG. Hearing his name out loud feels like I’m being swung at with a wooden baseball bat. 

“No, I’m here to see Josie.” 

More confusion crosses Mr. Saltzman’s face, but he’s a nice guy who tries not to ask too many questions and let’s me through the front door. There’s soft Italian music playing from the kitchen and I can feel the warmth of the fireplace from the foyer. As a child I always wanted a home like this. One that always smelled like there was something cooking on the stove and was decorated from head to toe on every holiday. Instead, I had take out every night and the most my family did was place a fake Christmas tree in our living room two days before Christmas.

“Right upstairs.” He smiles like he’s trying to get me to lighten up, but it only annoys me further and I stomp up the stairs to her bedroom. 

I don’t even think about knocking because it’s Josie and I’m mad and I genuinely don’t care what she’s doing in there. I feel like I’m a villain in a horror movie and I’m coming to kill the protagonist and since this is my movie there’s no happy ending, the nice girl dies. 

“What did you say to him?” My words come out rash and angry as I quickly make my way across the yellow toned room. 

Big brown eyes stare up at me with a mixture of emotions. The first one is confusion, but it’s quickly eclipsed with fear. She’s lying on her bed, a novel in her hands and hair tied up in a ponytail that reminds me of a perky cheerleader. She’s so predictable it makes my skin crawl. 

“What did you say to him?” I repeat, the girl’s now clutching the book to her chest like it’ll save her from my fiery wrath. “What did you say to MG?” 

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She mutters and I can tell she’s slowly trying to back away, but I quickly lessen the distance between us. “I really don’t.” Her voice is trembling as she looks up at me like I might squash her with my steel-toed boots. 

It feels weird being in here without MG and I suddenly realize how out of my element I am. For a second I tear my eyes away from her and they fall onto the white computer chair placed neatly under her desk. Whenever we’d come here I’d always find myself sitting there looking bored, but then I’d look at MG, playfully laughing at something I didn’t hear and I’d remember that he was worth it. 

“Penelope, what’s going on?" Josie breaks the silence and I jump a little because for a second I forget that she’s even there. 

I know that I should leave and go home because my emotions are all over the place and I’m vulnerable, something I really hate being, but it feels good to be somewhere that reminds of him. I can hear his laugh, I can picture him squeezing my hand because he’s happy that I came along, I can hear him adorably rambling on about how much he enjoyed Kanye West’s last album. But then it hits me that he’s not here and I’ll probably never be in this room again with him. 

My legs crumble beneath me and I’m suddenly on Josie’s bed, sobbing uncontrollably because the love of my life just dumped me. The thing that hurts the most is that it’s because of me, he even admitted it. I’m guarded and I can’t let people in and he gave up trying to break down my walls. 

“MG broke up with me.” As much as I don’t want to say the words out loud, especially to Josie, I can’t help it. 

The gasp that falls from the girl’s lips indicate that she really didn’t know and I almost feel bad about storming into her bedroom accusing her of having a part in breaking us up. I can feel her shift on the bed uncomfortably as my head lays heavily in my hands. The crying doesn’t stop though and I don’t have the energy to care that Josie’s watching me be weak. 

Arms slowly start to wrap around me and while I normally would recoil, my body falls into them as I move my head to her shoulder, tears falling onto her soft t-shirt. Eventually one of her hands starts to rub my back and it seems to help me calm down as the sobs slow to a soft cry.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that I’d be in the arms of Josie Saltzman crying after being dumped. But I’m here and for some reason it’s comforting. 

Once my head starts to clear and the tears fully stop I lift my head up to see her soft brown eyes looking back. I’m thankful she’s not looking at me with pity, but instead with warmth and understanding. Now I really do feel bad about barging in and move a few inches away from her, the closeness makes me uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry … about before.” I let her know, my eyes focusing on anything but her. 

“It’s okay.” She assures me and reaches over to her nightstand to grab a tissue. “Do you want to, uh, talk about it?” Her hand reaches out to give me the tissue and once I take it, her arm instantly recoils like I might burn her if our skin touches again. 

Talk to her? About it? Is she crazy? She’s Josie and I hate her and I’m only here because I was irrational and upset. I’m about to say something mean, something that will hurt her just like the way I’m hurting, but when I meet her eyes again I can’t do it. I actually want to talk about it. To her. While she’s annoying as hell, I know she’s kind to the point that even if I say a million mean things to her, she would still offer to be there for me. 

Plus, she might actually understand. If there’s anyone that knows MG better than myself, it’s her. 

I sigh deeply and bite my tongue because this is killing me and my pride will definitely be bruised tomorrow, but I nod and she softly smiles. 

Her hands reach out and softly lays on top of mine, “I’ll be right back.”


	2. Chapter 2

_**[Josie]** _

The two of us sit in silence for a while, Penelope’s hands are gripped tightly around the hot cup of peppermint tea I made her. She sips it slowly and barely winces from the temperature. Her eyes look sunken in as stares at nothing but the memories of past years filled with MG.

I’m afraid to say something, afraid she’d explode like a ticking time bomb. If I really think about it, this might be the longest the two of us have been alone together.

It’s no secret Penelope dislikes me. I really made the effort to become her friend in the beginning. I tried to bond over the band sticker I saw on her folder in math class and even suggested we see a movie together when she first started dating MG, but was immediately turned down. I notice the eye rolls she gives me when I say something that makes MG laugh and the way she looks uninterested when we are in the same room.

At first it really hurt. She’s beautiful and mysterious and effortlessly cool and I just wanted to be liked ... if anything just tolerated. But eventually the hurt subsided and I didn’t really care, I just felt bad for MG. It was uncomfortable.

“Thanks. For the tea.” Penelope breaks the thick silence and looks at me for the first time since I handed her the steaming mug.

“You’re welcome.” I smile back and it falters for a second when I see the heartbreak in her hazel eyes.

Penelope shifts uncomfortably and glances around my room like she’s seeing it for the first time. My walls are a warm yellow and I have posters tapped along the far wall. The desk in the corner is neat and organized just like I like it. My bed is my favorite thing about my room though, it’s large and plush and after a long day I just like to lie there for hours pretending nothing exists outside of these four walls. 

“Sorry, this is weird.” Penelope whispers and focuses back on me.

I shrug my shoulders and shake my head, “No.” I say a little too enthusiastically and we both giggle, knowing this is very weird. “Okay, maybe a little.” 

For the first time since she’s entered my room. Penelope seems to relax a little. Her tense shoulders drop slightly and she sits so that she finally looks comfortable on my bed. “So, MG never said anything about breaking up with me?” 

“Nothing.”

To be honest, I’m just as shocked as she is, if not more. I was always jealous of the love MG had for Penelope. Not because I had feelings for him, but because of the way he loved her. Penelope was his goddess, his sun, his stars, his everything. Sometimes it felt like he existed just so that he could love her and I envied that. It must be nice to be so loved. 

I think back to last summer when it was a rare occasion that the three of us were hanging out by Donovan’s Lake. Penelope was lying on the grass, her bronze body glowing in the summer sun while MG and I swam in the cool water. “I’m gonna marry that girl.” He told me like there wasn’t anything else in the world he wanted. 

“I just don’t understand. If two people love each other don’t they work through their issues? They’re not just supposed to give up, right?” She asks with such sorrow that I almost forget this is the Penelope that frightened me a few moments ago. The questions hang in her expression and all she wants is answers, but I don’t have them. 

I don’t know what to say because I’ve never experienced love like she has, but I so badly want to have the right answers. For the first time Penelope is looking at me as friend, not some consolation prize she got by dating MG. 

“Honesty, I don’t think they are. If you really love someone you fight.” I feel guilty for saying it, but I really believe it. I feel guilty like I’m betraying MG for talking to Penelope, but this ice queen is thawing before me and I can’t help the person I am. It’s in my nature to help. “Did he say why?” 

Penelope’s face shifts quickly and it looks like she might cry again. Her head slowly nods and I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about it. The way her lips quiver makes me want to hug her, but I think that might be pushing it. 

“I know I’m flawed, but I thought MG loved me enough to look past all of that.”

MG did and I know that because he used to tell me about it. He tried to never say a bad thing about her, but sometimes I could tell it was too much. He was so in love with a girl who, no matter what, kept some kind of wall up. Sometime it would make him doubt that she was in love with him, but then a few days later the doubt would pass and they’d be wrapped in each other’s arms at lunch.

I wonder what happened because a few weeks ago we were at Party City picking up balloons for his homecoming proposal and all he could talk about was how in love he was.

“He loves you and as much as I love that kid, he’s a boy and boys are stupid. I won’t be surprised if he’s calling you up tomorrow and realizing how big of a mistake he’s made.”

“I don’t know.” She places her head in her hands and sighs deeply. “He seemed so sure of it.” When she lifts her head I see the tears start to fall again and I can’t help but lay a hand on her arm for comfort. She doesn’t move away though or even flinch and I shift towards her. “I know this is dramatic, but ...” she sniffles from her runny nose, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without him.”

My heart breaks at the confession because she sounds like she’s in so much pain. MG is solid and reliable. He’s someone that’s always there to make you laugh when you’re sad and would drop everything in a second if you asked him for a favor. I don’t think I could live without him either...

“I know it hurts, but I promise the wound eventually heals.” My hand rubs her arm. I want to zap away the pain, no one should hurt this badly.

Once again Penelope’s eyes grow hazy and I can tell she’s thinking about him. Her mind is wrapped up in MG and I can tell it’s replaying a happy memory because she softly smiles for a split second.

“Do you want to put on a movie? Or we could get ice cream? I feel like you’re supposed to eat that after a break up.”

Penelope lightly giggles and genuinely looks grateful that I’m sitting beside her. “Honestly a movie sounds perfect right now.” Her smile quickly fades though and I can see her shoulders tense up. My hand retreats fast when I realize it’s been there too long and I’m afraid she remembers that she doesn’t like me. “If that’s okay? I can go if I’m being a burden.”

I smile widely to show her that I really don’t mind her here. To be honest, it feels pretty damn great that Penelope’s asking me for advice when just a few days ago I saw a text on MG’s phone that read: _Does Josie really have to come?_ Unfortunately it’s just under really bad circumstances ... “More than okay. What are we thinking? Comedy? Mystery?”

“Horror.” She blurts out and rolls her eyes at my expression. “Oh come on.” She laughs and makes her way to the top of my bed. She slides under the covers and pats the space beside her. “I’ll protect you from any monsters that jump out of your closet.” If that were to happen I might just place my bet on Penelope.

“Fine, but no making fun of me when I scream throughout the entire movie.”

Penelope raises one eyebrow at me and it looks like she’s about to say something snarky and mean, but she bites her tongue. “I make no promises.”

After twenty minutes Penelope finally decides on something called Dare or Die. It’s about a group of friends who are in a deadly game of truth or dare and as suspected, if you don’t do it you die.

I set my laptop between the two of us and I bring the comforter up to my chin just in case I need to cover my eyes.

It’s weird. Penelope and I are lying in my bed after she just broke up with her boyfriend and we’re getting along. She’s not saying rude things or looking at me like she wants me to disappear. Instead she looks like she feels comfortable here and I peak to my right to see her watching the movie intently. Her dark hair is pulled back and I can’t help but envy how pretty she really is.

It’s odd seeing this soft broken side of her. At school she’s this untouchable popular girl who I never would’ve pictured crying in my bedroom over a boy. In all honesty, I always thought Penelope would be the one to end the relationship if it came down to it.

On the screen a boy and girl are sitting a car, the boy is leaning in and brushes the girl’s hair out of her face. “I dare you to kiss me,” He says to her and the girl leans in to give him one. Suddenly a dark face appears behind the couple and I can’t help but scream out and hide under the covers.

I can hear Penelope giggling beside me and when I finally come out from under the covers she’s shaking her head. “Are you sure you can handle this Saltzman?” Her eyes are raised at me and she looks like she doesn’t believe me when I meekly tell her yes.

While I try to focus on the movie I can’t help but watch Penelope out of the corner of my eye. Her face is relaxed as she stares at the screen, but I can tell it’s not enough to completely remove MG from her mind.

“He’ll be killed in three, two, one...” Penelope rolls her eyes at the screen as something falls on the boy just like she expected and the blood splatter gives me goosebumps. “Hanging in there?” She turns to me and playfully pushes my arm when she sees that I’m cringing at the gore.

Penelope’s smile flattens a little and she moves just enough so that she’s facing me. “Uh, I just want to say thanks.” She’s sincere and I can tell it makes her uncomfortable to do this. “I know you don’t owe me anything and I haven’t been the nicest to you, but I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, Penelope.”

A hue of pink appears on her face and I realize it’s difficult for her to be this vulnerable. “It really means a lot.”

“Who would’ve thought the infamous Penelope Park has feelings?”

Penelope rolls her eyes and playfully pushes me again, “Yeah, well, don’t go telling people. I’ve got an image to keep up.”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face and the thought of a new friendship forming excites me more than it should considering the situation. Penelope is putting her trust in me and it feels nice. And while she might just be here because it worked out that way, I don’t care, she’s here and she’s not looking at me like I’m a virus she can’t get rid of.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked Josie’s POV! 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think so far :)


	3. Chapter 3

A warm light sneaks through a crack in the curtains that wakes me up and for a second I forget where I am. For a quick moment, everything feels okay and I bury myself into the cozy bed, but suddenly the events from yesterday swim through my head and I gasp at the pain that takes over my body. 

_It’s over._

I see MG’s face behind my eyelids. His soft eyes, his kind smile, the muscles in his strong shoulders. It all hurts and I can’t believe that it’s really over. I want to check my phone that’s lying on the nightstand beside me because maybe he made a mistake. Maybe he didn’t mean to break up with me, he’s just going through some kind of crisis, but I know that if there’s nothing from him on my phone, that will hurt even more. 

I’m also not ready to face the rest of the world. I’m sure there will be missed texts from my friends wondering where I was last night. As for my mom, she’s probably not even home yet either. Ever since she got a new boyfriend, she’s never around, and I don’t really mind it. I’m sick of seeing the way her eyes grow heavy when she looks at me like all I do is remind her of dad ... 

The rustling besides me shakes me out of my self-pity and I watch as a sleeping Josie pulls the comforter closer to her body so that she’s just a floating head. She looks peaceful, her lips are slightly hanging open and her tiny nose twitches. 

As much as I don’t want to admit to it, I feel really awful for all the things I’ve said about her in the past. It’s not that I was some mean girl who pushed her in the hallway or started nasty rumors about her, but I wasn’t the sweetest either. 

In the beginning of my relationship with MG, I tried to push Josie away and it wasn’t something I’m proud of. I’ve never been a jealous girl, but deep down I couldn’t deny that their closeness made me a little uneasy. Josie is unguarded and selfless and easy-going, everything I’m not. 

Eventually, I stopped trying to cause a rift between the two because I could see how much it was hurting MG and I knew I was being crazy. The two were best friends and if anything I was the one coming between them. So instead I tried to enjoy being around her, but I’m Penelope and if there’s anything I’m not, it’s fake. The eye-rolls and little digs are just part of my nature and well, at the time they were justifiable. 

But now, she’s lying next to me and she offered me her pajamas and she suffered through that horror movie just because I demanded that’s what we watch. She’s MG’s best friend, but she’s comforting me through this because I showed up at her house in a fit. If roles were reversed I don’t know if I’d be so kind. I might have told her to take a few deep breaths, get it together, and leave. But she’s Josie and I knew she wouldn’t do that because she’s kind to a fault ... 

I suddenly realize that I’ve been watching her for a span of time that makes me uncomfortable. I should leave. As nice as this was it’s still weird and I’m still Penelope and she’s still Josie. I start to sneak out of bed, my clothes I came in here are in a pile on the floor and I suddenly regret leaving the covers as the cold fall air creates goosebumps along my arms. 

“Sorry it’s so cold. This house never stays warm.” Josie yawns into the morning haze and I stop in my tracks like I’m being caught sneaking out. “Oh, were you leaving?” She asks and if I’m not mistaken it sounds like she’s disappointed. 

Turning back to her, I can’t help but smile at the way her brown hair is stuck to one side of her face and a few lines are carved into her cheek from the pillow, she looks about five years old and I don’t have the heart to tell her that I was. “No, I just-“ 

My heart sinks as my phone starts vibrating against the wooden nightstand and it’s the kind of vibrate that means someone is calling me. I stand there, frozen, because all I want is for it to be MG. I want to hear his voice and I want him to tell me that he loves me and he doesn’t know what he was thinking. 

I feel like I’m moving in my slow motion as I reach out, the slim phone feeling like a million pounds under my shaking hand. MG. 

“Hello.” I answer quickly like the weight of my life depends on it. “MG?” 

“Hey Pen.” His voice sounds heavy and sad like without me in his life for even one night has caused his whole world to fall apart. “How are you?” 

How am I? Awful. Never been worse. “Not great.” 

His heavy sigh breaks my heart even further because as much as it hurts, I can handle being sad, but the thought of him being anything but happy makes it even harder. 

I sit back on the bed because I might crumble under the heaviness of his silence. “Pen ...” My name sounds like lead inside of his mouth, like it takes every bit of energy he has to string those three letters together. “Listen ...” 

Listen. I am listening and it sounds like this won’t be the call where he tells me he wants to get back together with me. I can feel tears start to spring to my eyes and I curse myself for allowing myself to cry twice in less than 24 hours. I feel weak and I hate it, but MG is my everything and now what am I supposed to do?

Josie reaches over and lays her hand on top of my empty one. It’s reassuring and the only thing that helps me keep it together as i hold my breath waiting for MG to keep going. I look up at her round brown eyes, they’re letting me know that she’s here for me and I turn my hand over so that our fingers lace together in solidarity. 

“I’m sorry. I really am so sorry. I love you more than you can ever imagine, but this is the way it has to be right now. I’m here for you though, if you ever need anything. I’m still your best friend, you know that, right?” 

For the first time since MG stood inside my home leaving me a heart broken mess, I’m mad at him. I’m seeing red instead of dark sorrowful blues. “No, you’re not.” I say harshly and the old Penelope starts to bubble to the surface. “You’re my ex-boyfriend who just broke my fucking heart. That’s way it has to be?” I scoff and I can’t handle the way my voice sounds venomous, I’m furious. “If you loved me so much you would stay MG.”

“It’s complicated.” 

“It’s not complicated. If you love someone you stay and fight. I’d fight for you.” My chest is thumping wildly and I can’t tell if I want to scream or cry, but Josie squeezes my hand for support and I remember that I’m not alone. “Clearly you wouldn’t do the same for me.” I throw my phone to the bottom of the bed after hanging up on him. 

My head quickly goes to a dark place. I try to fight it, but it comes on strong. I’ve spent my entire life being tough and cold and unfazed by those around me, but that has all quickly disintegrated as I realize I might not be any of those things. I’m a weak teenage girl who is crying over a boy. I feel so lost because I don’t know what to do without him and I can’t help but wonder if life is worth living without him by my side. 

I don’t realize it at first, but suddenly I’m swept up in Josie’s arms as she embraces me. My face immediately finds the crook in her neck and I bury my face into her warm skin. She’s soft and tiny and she feels really nice. I usually hate being touched by anyone that isn’t MG, but I don’t mind this. 

“It’s going to be okay.” She whispers in my ear and strokes my hair. 

“I hope so.” I whisper back and relax into the mold of her body. 

We stay there for a while, Josie’s hand pressed against my back, my head resting easily against her collarbone. It feels right. 

I can’t remember why I found her sweet nature so annoying before. It’s actually not so bad, especially now when it might the only thing that’s holding me together. 

Eventually my breaking slows to a steady pace and as much as I don’t want to I pull away from Josie and blush slightly at the intimate moment we just shared. I’m not good at letting people in, but in the matter of one night and morning this girl has made it very easy. 

“I can’t believe I’m one of those girls now who cries over a boy.” I say with an eye roll and laugh at the irony of it. I’ve spent a majority of my life laughing at girls like Josie who get excited over prom and love attending night football games to catch a glimpse of their crush on the field. They’d be heartbroken and a crying mess when the boy chose someone else, like get over it he smells bad and thinks saying ‘woke’ is cool. Yet here I am, but he’s not some boy, he’s MG. He smells amazing and was the boy I thought I would spend forever with. 

“Yeah, well, no more crying.” Josie says lightly as she rubs her thumb below my left eye to wipe away the single tear. “You’re Penelope Park. You’re this badass chick who every boy wants to date and every girl wants to be. I have a feeling there might a line of boys at your house right now.” 

My mouth breaks in a wide smile and I shake my head. She’s corny, but it’s endearing because she means what she says. Regardless of my attitude towards her she’s still more than willing to deal with me and say nice things about me. 

“I should probably go home and shower.” I sigh when I notice Josie’s digital clock reads 10:58 AM. It’s Sunday morning which means my mom is probably heading back home right now after spending a night with Billy, her stout balding boyfriend, to get ready for her day shift at the local hospital. 

“You know you’re more than welcome to shower here.” Her mouth moves a mile a minute as she sits up on her knees. “I mean, if you don’t want to be alone, I’m here for you.” She blushes heavily and looks away from me. “Or if you need anything, I ..” 

In all honesty, I really don’t want to be alone and I’m not ready to face my friends yet, but I need to go home. I feel gross and I don’t want my mom to start calling to ask where I am because I hate when she thinks she has to start acting like a mother. She can go days without knowing where I am, but as soon as she realizes she hasn’t seen me in a while it’s suddenly my fault for not updating her on my whereabouts. “I should really go home.” I say out loud, more to myself than to her, because a piece of me really wants to stay and forget a world exists out there where me and MG are no longer an _us_. “If my mom’s home before I am she’ll wonder why I didn’t text her and I don’t know if I’m ready to tell her about .. you know. But would you want to come with me? You don’t have to. I’m sure you have Sunday plans, it’s just ... being alone sounds kind of shitty right now.” 

“Of course!” Josie jumps up from the bed like I’ve asked her to join me on an all expenses paid vacation to Mexico. “I don’t mind.” She says more cooly. “Like I said, I’m here for you.” 

It takes less than five minutes for Josie to change into light washed jeans and a simple white sweatshirt. She puts her hair into two space buns and I can’t help but point out that she’s really adorable, especially when I can tell she’s happy about being around me. 

Who knew that MG breaking up with me would flip my world around to the point where Josie doesn’t bother me and I actually am enjoying her company? It freaks me out a little, how much I really don’t mind her, but I don’t have time to filter through another problem. It is what it is. 

“Ready?” I ask after changing into my own clothes and grab my phone. There’s at least 10 mixed texts from my friends asking what happened to me last night, but I choose to ignore them. 

“Ready!” Josie beams up at me as she throws a backpack on her shoulders. Her hands grip the straps tightly like she’s ready to tackle any problem that lies ahead of us. 

For the first time since MG slashed my metal heart with a flaming hot sword, I feel okay. Maybe it’s because of Josie or maybe it’s because time heals all wounds. Either way, I smile at the tiny brunette and it feels nice to know she’s by my side. 


	4. Chapter 4

**[Josie]  
**

My feet slide across the black fringe rug as I circle around Penelope’s bedroom. It’s the first time I’ve ever been inside of her home and I would question if anyone actually lived here if it weren’t for her Penelope-like bedroom. Walking inside I noticed how quiet and dark it felt. There were no family photos lining the walls, no one shuffling around upstairs, and the only sign that her mother had been here was a note left letting Penelope know that she wouldn’t be back till late tonight. 

Penelope’s room is messy and cluttered and basically everything my room isn’t. Her walls are a dark purple and the only thing hung up is a tapestry behind her bed. A stack of vinyls sit in one corner while another is occupied with an unorganized pile of horror movies. Her clothes are practically falling out of her closet and I notice one of MG’s sweatshirts crumpled on the floor. On her dresser sits a bunch of framed photos. The one in front is a group photo where I recognize all of the girls from school. Another is with Hope, they look about eight and have some bright sticky substance across their mouths. The rest of the photos are of her and MG and I wonder if I should hide them, but I have a feeling Penelope would not like me touching her stuff. 

As soon as we had left my bedroom I could see the way Penelope’s energy had shifted like she suddenly remembered there was a whole world out there to face. Thankfully my twin sister Lizzie wasn’t home, I know she would have been nosy, wondering why Penelope had stayed the night. 

While it was no secret that Penelope didn’t like me, it was common knowledge that Lizzie and Penelope were mortal enemies. Lizzie, the head cheerleader, didn’t like her thunder stolen and Penelope did a good job of that. 

The short drive back to her house was quiet and I could see the lines in her forehead deepen with each second we got closer. It was when she slowly turned onto her road that her nails dug into the steering wheel like she was bracing for impact. Thankfully his car hadn’t been there because I think if it was Penelope would’ve felt that rage again, stormed through his house, and slapped him across the face. 

All morning I had been waiting for a text from him. I thought by now he would’ve wanted to see me, to catch me up and give me the news, but nothing came. A few times I thought about texting him, but I didn’t want to make it obvious I knew. I didn’t want to break Penelope’s trust even if the guilt about being there for Penelope and not MG was starting to get to me. 

I notice one photo turned down and I can’t help but pick it up out of curiosity. It’s a photo of Penelope when she was really young, her smile is so wide that I catch myself smiling back. There are two adults hugging her and I can tell it’s Penelope’s parents by the way she looks like spitting images of them. She has her mother’s round face and perfect nose and her dads moody eyes and furrowed eyebrows. 

“My fifth birthday.” The voice startles me and I look up to see Penelope in a towel, her hair wet and dripping onto the floor. Her eyes look sad for a second but then seems to shake the memory and makes her way to the closest. 

“You were a cute kid.” I put the photo down and feel like I just invaded her privacy. 

“And what about now? Am I still cute?” Penelope turns to me with a raised eyebrow. 

I feel my cheeks grow red and I pick at something on my shirt. “I don’t think I’d use the word cute to describe Penelope Park.” 

“Ouch.” She jokingly frowns before turning back to her closet to rummage through the messy pile of clothes. 

I turn to face the window just before Penelope drops her towel. I wonder what it’s like to be so confident and desirable. My entire life I’ve just been average. My chest is too small, I’m tiny to the point that I was never athletic, and my brown hair is just boring old brown. Penelope is anything but average. Her eyes are hazel, but when the light hits a certain way you can see specks of warm gold and she has this contagious smirk that stirs up something inside of you. 

After enough time has passed I turn back to see Penelope in leggings and a band tee with a symbol I don’t recognize. “You’re more of a snarky wolf than an adorable bunny.” 

Mock hurt crosses Penelope’s face and then she grins to herself. “I like that.” She giggles and falls on her bed. “You’re definitely a bunny though.” 

I slowly make my way towards the bed and sit beside Penelope who looks lost in thought. I can tell she’s thinking about MG when her eyes grow darker and the frown lines appear across her olive skin. 

“How are you doing?” 

Penelope turns to me like she forgot I was here and sits back up, her eyes focusing on mine. “I don’t know.” She sighs and runs her fingers through her damp hair. “It’s this constant ache. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt that bad, but then something will remind me of him and my heart breaks all over again.” I reach for Penelope’s hand and she relaxes under my touch. “I’m afraid I’ll never get over him. I’m afraid I’ll feel like this forever.” 

I shake my head firmly and know that’s not true. “You’re Penelope. You’re strong and tough and it’ll be hard at first, but it won’t be forever.” 

Hazel eyes look warmly at me and it’s hard to remember her as the mean girl I knew her as just a few hours ago. With a smirk of her lips, she squeezes my hands. “I’ll deny it if you tell anyone I said this, but I don’t think I could’ve made it through these past 12 hours without you.” 

My breath gets caught in my chest as she looks at me with a softness I’ve never seen. She looks at me like she’d be lost if I walked away from her life right now. I want to be looked at like this forever. 

“Say something before I feel stupid.” Penelope chuckles as she slips her hand out of mine. 

“I’m really happy I could be here for you.” My eyes fall to her hands because I want them back in mine. I want to feel her soft skin under my fingers because she’s Penelope and I feel special that I’m the one helping her. I feel dumb thinking it, but I’ve always wanted Penelope’s acceptance and this is even better. I hate that I’m being selfish though. I shouldn’t be thinking that because the only reason this is all happening is because she’s in so much pain. 

Penelope looks uncomfortable now like she realizes the kind of person she’s becoming in front of me. I’m afraid she’s going to become cold again as her eyes narrow and when she turns back to me I recognize that expression, it’s annoyance and I’m afraid the one wall that fell down between us is going to start building up again. 

“I know this sounds lame, but I feel kind of special.” I speak softly because I don’t know how she’s going to react. Is she going to realize how uncool I am again? To be honest, I’ve been waiting for this all to end. She’s going to start to feel better, realize she has real friends she’d rather be with, and leave me without a second thought. 

“Special?” 

“Yeah.” I look back up at her and watch as she eyes me quizzically. “I mean you’re Penelope Park. I’m sure you have a hundred people you could go to. I just feel kind of lucky it’s me. Whether that was a choice or not, I’m just happy I could help. I know you’ve never liked me that much. Which I get, we’re different. It’s just, even though it’s a sucky situation, I’ve enjoyed spending these few hours with you” My words tumble out and I can stop them. I can’t look at her because I’m afraid this is when she’ll go. When she’ll realize I’m Josie, MG’s average sidekick. 

It’s silent for a while and I want shrivel up. Why do I have be sappy and emotional? I have absolutely no mystery, I’m an open book. 

“Hey.” Penelope breaths out and grabs my chin to lift my head so that we’re looking into each other’s eyes. She looks even softer than before and leans in close, her hands move to the side on my face. “I’m the lucky one. You have no reason to be nice to me and yet here you are, helping me without any reason. I’m a shitty person and I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you in the past.” She rubs her thumbs along my cheeks and smiles widely. “I’ve enjoyed spending these last few hours with you too.” Her face is so close now I can smell the coconut-scented shampoo she used in the shower and it might just be one of my new favorite smells. “Ok Saltzman, where to next?”

And just like that the moment’s over. 

An hour later, I’m directing Penelope as she speeds down winding roads. Her driving abilities match her personality, quick and abrasive. “Left up here.” I tell her just before grabbing the dashboard and she makes a sharp turn. 

“You’re really going to keep this a surprise?” 

“Yes!” I say excitedly. “Ok, one last right.” 

Penelope turns into a large parking lot where there are only a few cars scattered around. The white bleak looking warehouse stands tall and I can tell Penelope is confused. She pulls into a parking space and hesitantly shuts the car off but doesn’t ask questions. We slowly walk towards the front door, suspicion crosses Penelope’s face and waits for me to enter first. “Hey Drew!” I greet the boy at the front desk enthusiastically. 

“Hey Josie.” Drew smiles and automatically hands us two clipboards. When he realizes it’s not the usual Lizzie Saltzman standing beside me, his head picks up again and stares at Penelope for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

“This is Penelope.” I say a little too loudly so that he’s distracted from whatever is going on in his, probably dirty, head.

“Cool.” His voice deepens and he extends a hand to Penelope. “Drew.” 

I can tell Penelope’s used to boys hitting on her constantly, she’s striking. She extends a hand briefly and turns to me before Drew can get another word out. She taps the pen to her lips and looks over the long paragraphs before giving up on actually reading the words.“Am I signing my life away Saltzman?”

“What are your thoughts on hitting glass things with heavy objects?” 

The girl’s left eyebrow raises with suspicion, but I don’t give away anymore information as Drew leads us to the back room. 

Fifteen minutes later, Penelope and I are head to toe in white suits, her hands are manically gripping a hammer as her eyes narrow on a television that was built in the 80s. There’s a fire within her eyes as she throws the hammer over her shoulder and then down onto the TV. 

This is the first time that I’ve seen her completely uninhibited since the break up. There’s no sadness in her eyes, only a passion to break every single thing in the large room. 

“This is amazing!” She yells over the slam of her hammer and laughs with hysterics. I can’t take my eyes away. I feel like I’m watching a scene that’s running in slow motion. Her eyes are big and excited, the smile on her lips echo a deviousness that I want to inhale. “How’d you find this?” She asks out of breath and finally lays the hammer down. 

“Lizzie. We come here a lot to take her anger out on inanimate objects rather than teenage boys.” 

“Seems like she might need something more than this.” Penelope mutters and then points to a glass table in the corner. “Your turn.” She smiles deviously and pushes me toward the long table. 

Whenever I come here with Lizzie I just wack at a few wicker chairs and occasionally an old boom box. I don’t like violence, it makes me uncomfortable so instead I mostly just watch Lizzie take her anger out on everything in the room. 

I watch Penelope grow impatient, her foot taping along to an invisible clock. “I’m waiting.” She teases and I slowly make my towards the table. The hammer drags along with me, a little too heavy for my own strength. “Come on Saltzman, show the table who’s boss.”

My hands lift above my head, hammer in hand, and I swing down so that the tables shatters into a million pieces. It feels good. No, it feels amazing. I keep swinging till I’m completely out of breath and there’s no more glass to hit. Doubling over, I drop the hammer and take deep breaths. 

For a second I feel invincible like maybe everything will be okay. I don’t feel worried about anyone but me and I forget the last time I did that. I’m always so worried about Lizzie or MG or my dad. And in this moment I’m here with Penelope, just enjoying the moment, and everything feels okay.


	5. Chapter 5

“No way!” Josie says defiantly, her hands moving wildly as she sits in the passenger seat, legs curled into a pretzel formation. “Ketchup is the superior condiment. You can put it on basically anything, it’s available everywhere, and technically it’s a vegetable.” 

“On what planet is ketchup considered a vegetable?” I ask her before shoving a handful of fries into my mouth. 

She shakes her head with an exasperated expression before reaching into the brown fast food bag and pulling out a little white packet. “Look, a tomato.” She points to the red circle like it means something and even though I know her argument is completely invalid, I want to believe her because she sounds so passionate. “It’s liquified tomato.” 

“Alright, you win.” My hands go up in surrender and the smile on Josie’s face is enough to make me happy, even if I internally refuse to believe that she’s right. 

The two of us sit facing each other in my car that’s parked outside of a McDonalds. I think we’ve been here for an hour, but I can’t tell because time seems to escape me when I’m with Josie. She’s the perfect distraction. 

From the moment she happily accompanied me to my house to spending the day smashing objects with hammers to sitting in my car just talking, she’s been something I didn’t realize I needed. The realization of it all is scary because I hate to rely on people, but my brain is too exhausted to care right now. It’s a problem for another day and right now all I want is to enjoy Josie’s company. 

“I love this song.” Josie reaches forward and turns up the volume of a song I don’t recognize. Her body becomes lost in the music as she flails her arms around. 

The Josie I’ve come to know in the past day is a Josie I never knew. Qualities I used to see as annoying are endearing to me now. Her constant positivity isn’t over the top and irritating, but instead it’s reassuring like a cozy blanket. Her kindness isn’t weakness, but just her innate ability to help people. Her predictability isn’t boring, but a sign that she knows who she is and won’t change for anyone. 

“Cause I live down the street, so hit me when you need and it’s yours.” Josie’s voice is melodic as she continues to sing, her head thrown back in complete bliss. “And I all I hear is, nothing feels better than this.” 

I don’t know if it’s the song or Josie or not worrying about MG, but I feel happy and I find myself lost in the music with her. My body flows to the beat and I mimic the way Josie’s hands wave through the air. Somewhere in the middle of the song, Josie’s fingers find mine and we’re intertwined. Our eyes lock from across the car as Josie’s smile widens to the point that her round eyes become tiny slits and while Josie may have felt special being with me, I think I actually might be the lucky one. 

The song ends and just like that reality sets back in. We both quickly retract our hands and Josie lowers the music, her eyes falling to the ground like she forgot something on the ground. 

“I like that song.” I say reassuringly as pink flushes across her soft pale cheeks. 

It’s weird, this need to make sure she knows I like her. It makes me uncomfortable in the way that it’s a feeling I’m not sure how to navigate, but I can’t help it and so I proceed to reassure her. The past few years of my life have been filled with avoiding the girl and making sure I iced her out. I wanted her to know I didn’t enjoy her company, to make sure she realized she was second to me when it came to MG, but now I find myself saying things so that she knows I don’t feel that way anymore. 

I’ve noticed the way she’ll wince when I say something snarky or the way she looks embarrassed when she talks with conviction like I’ll call her out on it. I can tell she overthinks the things I say like she’s waiting for me to become the old Penelope with the flip of a switch. I want to tell her that she shouldn’t worry, that I really enjoy spending time with her, that I can’t imagine not having her as a friend now, but I feel a pit in my stomach at the thought of it all. 

It’s moments like this, when she’s lost in the music, being herself and not caring what I think that I truly want to be her friend. I want to learn more about her, to be surrounded by someone so pure and kind, someone that makes me comfortable being me. My friends by now would be bored with my sob story and tell me to move onto another guy. They’d be dragging me to a Sunday movie so that we could make out college boys they met at the mall. But Josie seems genuinely happy being here with me, sitting in a car eating fast food.

A vibration echos throughout the car and Josie pulls her phone from her pocket, the caller ID causing Josie’s face to drop and before she has to say anything I know who it is. Her eyes grow worried as she looks at the phone, to me, and then back on her phone. 

“You can answer it.” I say hollowly and sit forward, my brain feels fuzzy and my chest is aching. I know it’s MG. I picture him pacing his room while calling Josie, his best friend. He expects her to answer because she’s reliable and his best friend, but she’s here with me, the unspoken enemy in his story. 

She looks conflicted. I can tell she wants to answer, it’s her best friend, and despite the day we just had she’s still his number one. “I’ll call him back.” She mutters before silencing her phone. Her fingers swiftly move around, probably sending him a text, and I wonder what she’s telling him. I wonder what MG would think if he saw the two of us now. 

Silence falls between us as we remember what brought us together in the first place. I watch Josie as she looks out the window, her lips are pursed tight and I can see that she feels torn. I know the look of guilt when I see it. It always reminds me of my father. The way his eyes looked sad and disappointed that night he told me he was leaving. His hands wouldn’t stop moving as he tried to explain to me that he would still be my father whether we lived in the same house or not ... I see that expression in Josie and I don’t want her to feel that way because unlike my father she’s not doing anything wrong, she’s just being a good person. 

I pull the car out of the parking lot and head to Josie’s. It’s almost 5 and I realize i’ve spent almost a full 24 hours with Josie Saltzman. Never in a million years would I believe I’d be relying on Josie to pull me out of my mess of a break up with MG, but here we are and I don’t mind it. 

Josie stays quiet the rest of the drive home and I can sense she’s overthinking something. I want to say something comforting, but words escape me and I just follow her silence till we pull up to her cozy house, the fireplace burning like usual. Whether I want to admit it or not, I wouldn’t hate to be back in Josie’s bed, under the covers, lost in a good movie while she’s beside me. 

“Thanks for a great day.” I smile fondly at her and she turns to me, the lines in her face relax. “You’ve been more than I could ask for from a friend.”

“Friend?” She teases and I can tell the stress from before is dissolving away. 

“Yeah, friend, whatever.” I try to say casually, but now it’s my turn to blush and I feel like a little kid admitting their feelings to someone. “Don’t let it get to your head.” 

“The popular Miss Penelope Park considers me a friend.” She gushes while holding back a laugh and places her hands against her chest. “I’ve really just been waiting for this moment forever.” 

My eyes narrow at Josie, hands crossed against my body. I try to look mad, but she thinks she’s funny and it’s annoyingly adorable. “I’m going to kill you Saltzman.” I mutter irritably, but she sees through me. 

“You wouldn’t kill a friend … a pal … a buddy.” She smiles and looks so proud of herself, it’s hard feign anger anymore. 

My hands find her sides and I dig my fingers into her ribs as she bursts out in laughter. “I warned you.” I giggle over her continuous laughter and move my fingers down to her waist. She squirms between my hands, her sweatshirt riding up and there’s a sliver of bare skin that my fingers hone in on. They feel the ridges of her abs and the softness of her skin. My fingers slow to a softer pace and Josie’s laughter ebbs to short heavy breaths. Her back is against the car door and I’m leaning forward so that I’m just above her, our noses just inches away from touching. 

Josie’s stomach tightens beneath my fingers as her breath gets caught in her chest. Heavily lidded eyes look into mine like I hold something magical. My left hand steadies onto her seat to stay balanced as Josie’s fingers lift up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, they linger there. Her fingers feeling like hot coals against my skin. There’s a thick energy between us that I can feel, can taste, it causes my stomach to flip. 

A knock on the window startles me and I retreat to my seat so quickly that I bang my head against the roof of my car. “Fuck!” I yell out and rub the spot that will swell by the time Monday morning comes. “What the-“ I look up to see my least favorite face in the entire world, Lizzie Saltzman. 

Blue eyes look back at me with a frightening wildness. They’re narrowed and focused on me as her fingers signal to roll down the window. 

I look to Josie, my eyes begging for a way out of conversing with the Devil, but she looks flustered as she sits back up and clearly will be no help. 

“Yes?” I ask the towering blonde when the window is halfway down, my voice burning with agitation. 

“Why are you in my driveway? Josie, why are you with Satan? What’s going on in here?” She demands answers as her head buries further into my car and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I closed the window on her neck. 

“Has anyone ever told you your voice is similar to the sound of nails on a chalkboard?” 

“No, but I’m sure you get that a lot, Cretin.” 

“It’s Pe-nel-o-pe. I really think that tacky blonde hair dye is getting to your head.” 

“You’re just jealous that I-“

“Enough you two!” Josie calls out and we both silence immediately. “Lizzie, stop being nosy.” Her voice is sterner than I’ve ever heard as she’s pushing the blonde head back outside. Her fingers find the window button and she closes it to block the sound of her sister’s high pitch whines. “Sorry about that.” She sheepishly smiles as she turns back to me and then looks at a loss for words. 

Whatever just happened a few seconds ago hasn’t been lost on us and we shift uncomfortably. I see her lips move, but nothing comes out and I want to break to tension, but my chest is tight and I need air. 

A knock comes at the window again and Lizzie is standing there, hands on her hips. “You better go before she has a heart attack.” I try to make my words sound light, but they’re hollow and short. 

Josie turns behind her and makes a face at her sister. It drives me mad to see the way Lizzie treats her, like she’s some puppy she can kick around. “I better go.” Her soft smile riles something up in me and I know I should say something, let her know how much I appreciated her this weekend, but I feel suffocated by the proximity of her and watch as she grips handle on the door. 

She turns to face me before leaving and her earthy eyes remind me of everything she’s done for me. She’s helped me, taken my mind off of the heart break, let me be myself, been there despite the cruel way I’ve acted towards her in the past. I quickly turn away though, I can’t take the way she expects something from me right now because I’m not her. I’m not this perfect, kind, selfless human being. I’m selfish and cold. I’m the same person I was despite these past 24 hours. 

But then I continue to remember her soft touch under mine while I was crying, the way she hid under the covers during the entire movie but never asked to shut it off because she watched it for me, the way she sang without any inhibitions because in that moment she was just happy being beside me. And she deserves something, something more than I can offer. 

I go to say thank you, a thank you that embodies how much these past few hours meant to me, but the car door slams and she walks away. She’s gone and just like that it all feels like a fuzzy dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any grammatical errors! I get lazy checking it over ... anyways ... 
> 
> HOPE YOU ENJOY!


	6. Chapter 6

Monday morning has arrived too soon. The air is significantly colder than the past few days and I’m wrapped in a red puffer jacket, a white scarf wrapped tightly around my neck. My hair is in its usual low pony, swaying back and forth as I shift from foot to foot to keep warm while I wait for MG by the front steps of school. 

He was supposed to be here 5 minutes ago to catch up before first period started, but he’s late, it’s cold, and my heart is beating erratically at the thought of seeing Penelope again. 

When I woke up this morning, I almost convinced myself the last two days didn’t actually happen. Penelope and MG breaking up, Penelope in my room, under my covers, watching a movie. Me in Penelope’s room, spending the day with her, laughing, telling each other how much we enjoyed each other’s company, and then fingers against skin ... Penelope’s fingers brushing against my bare stomach sending a flight of wild butterflies. 

But it happened and I know that because I had to listen to Lizzie all night asking what I was doing with Penelope Park and what were we doing that close to each other in a car. I could only tell her nothing so many times before I had to lock myself in my room for the rest of the night pacing back and forth. It was bad enough that I had ignored MG’s call and texted him, ‘Sorry, Lizzie’s having one of her breakdowns. What’s up?’ to which he replied, ‘A lot. Can you can you call me later?’ 

A car ride with Penelope, 60 questions from Lizzie, and an hour of pacing back and forth through my room later, I finally called MG. It was tough, I could hear the heartbreak in his voice just like I had heard in Penelope’s. He seemed defeated and tired, a version of MG I rarely came in contact with. I could tell it was hard for him to talk about yet. He kept it rather short like he just wanted to someone to speak to and didn’t need to hear anything from the other end of the line. I knew there was more to his side of the story, but he was staying closed up and it hurt me a little. MG and I shared everything with each other, but here we both were, keeping something from each other. 

The deep yawn that escapes my mouth creates a white cloud in the air and I don’t know how much longer I can handle the cold. I rub my hands together and look around for MG. I’m tired and cold and the guilt from not telling MG about my time with Penelope is eating away at me. 

Sleep was very hard to come by last night as I replayed Penelope’s fingers against my skin, my fingers against her soft dark locks. There were sparks, I know it. There was something electric there, I could see it in the flames of her gold specked eyes and the way they hooded over as my breath caught from of the weight of the energy we shared. 

What was that? Just two people connecting after years of being nothing short of enemies? Was it me overthinking the entire situation? Just a moment shared between two new friends that meant absolutely nothing. No, it wasn’t nothing because I saw the look in her eyes and felt the way my heart dropped to my toes. 

I have a crush on Penelope Park. The Penelope Park that was mean and cruel, the one who tried to come between MG and I. The Penelope Park that was dating my best friend, MG. The one he broke up with less than 48 hours ago. 

“MG!” I call out when I see him crossing the yard bundled up in a heavy jacket, my voice is high like I’m being caught doing something wrong. 

“Hey Josie.” He pulls me into a hug like he hasn’t seen me in ages and it actually feels that way. “Sorry I’m late, I forgot one of my books.” He throws his arm around me and pulls us into the grand entrance of school. 

We catch up as we walk to the library, avoiding the topic of Penelope. I know it’s about to come up and I start to feel sick. What kind of friend am I being right now? How could I possibly like Penelope? There’s so much wrong with it. 

I don’t care that she’s a girl. I’ve always known I’ve liked boys and girls. It never mattered to me and my friends never cared either. I always thought Lizzie would be uncomfortable with it, but she was more supportive that I could have ever imagined. 

I care that it’s Penelope. 

“How’s Lizzie?” MG asks as we sit at a table in the back of one of the study lounges. There’s only one other person nearby and they have on bulky headphones.

“What?” I’m confused, my head selfishly swimming in my own problems. 

“Last night with Lizzie. Is she okay?”

“Oh yeah!” I wave my hand like it was no big deal. “Just had to deal with something, you know her.” I can’t look at him in the eyes, it feels weird to lie to him. We’re best friends, we don’t do that to each other. 

When I finally look up, the circles under his eyes are dark and his hair is out of place. I’ve never seen him look this unkept before, like he fought a war. I reach out and grab his hand because my chest hurts for him. I never want to see MG sad. He’s a light in everyone’s life and I can’t imagine it burning out. 

“How are you?” I ask slowly, testing the waters. 

His head hangs heavy and he looks like he’s fighting to find the words in his head. There’s so much sadness, I want to wrap him in a hug and rewind time so that we’re 13 again and jumping on the trampoline in his backyard till our legs are sore. 

I know how much Penelope meant to him. I’ve listened to the way he spoke about her, the way he would stare at her in class like there was nothing more important, the way he would get upset when Penelope was gone for long weekends to visit her dad. The break up is affecting him so hard I don’t understand why he would end things in the first place. 

“Not good.” He sighs. “I knew it would be difficult, this break up, but I didn’t think it would be this hard.” 

“Then why do it?” 

MG looks up, his face creased with surprise. He’s not used to my prodding questions. I’m a listener. I listen to problems, I understand them, I assure the ones affected. But I can’t help it, I want to know because getting to know Penelope the past few days, I find it hard to think of a reason someone wouldn’t want her. 

“It’s complicated. You don’t know her.” The words are harsh and condescending. I feel like I do know her though. I know it was only a few days, but I really feel like I know her. “She’s so closed off and there’s all of these walls. I know Penelope thinks she let me in and I know she’s tried, but it’s been three years and there’s so much that she hides from me. “

“But you love her. Love is work. You’re just going to give up?” The words come out before I can stop them and they sound accusatory.

“Sorry Josie, but what would you know about love? You’ve never even been in a relationship.” MG sounds annoyed and he shakes his head like a I’m a six year old trying to solve an equation that’s beyond my mental capacity. He sighs and calms again, “I’ve tried. She refuses to talk about her parents even though I know it’s the source of her anger. She’s constantly pulling away. She doesn’t realize it, but she does. Every night when we sleep together, when she falls asleep she pulls away from me like it’s some hidden metaphor that she’ll never fully wants me.” 

My mouth feels dry and I want to agree with him because he’s my best friend, but if he saw how sad Penelope was, he would know she had no doubts about MG being the love of her life. I take a deep breath and notice the lines on MG are deeper than they were a week ago, he’s worn and sad and he just needs me here. 

“I’m sorry, MG, that has to hurt.” I squeeze his hand to let him know I’m by his side because I have to be. Despite my feelings for Penelope right now, I still have to be here for him. “I’m here for you though, you know that.” 

“You’re the best Josie. I swear I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

The study lounge becomes more crowded as students hustle in to finish their homework assignments last minute. I watch as MG looks around erratically, “I’m not ready to see her.” He grabs his backpack and jacket and stands up quickly. “I better head to class. Thanks again Josie, I’ll see you later.” He rubs my head and sprints out the room before I can say anything else. 

Poor MG, I hate seeing him this way. I slowly make my way out to the hallway. My head feels full with MG and Penelope and my own confusing feelings that I want to push away. MG’s my best friend, I can’t have a crush on Penelope. And maybe I don’t. Maybe it was just the newness of her, just the past few hours of gaining Penelope’s trust and affection. 

They’re not real feelings, not romantic feelings at least. They’re just feelings of something new, of finally being liked by the girl I secretly wanted adoration from. 

I stop at my locker before I have to head to Spanish. Friendship feelings, MG’s feeling, I remind myself. I grab the books I need and head off down the hall. But she’s there and she’s beautiful and everything I just convinced myself of is out the window. 

Her hair is wavy and long down her shoulders. She looks sad behind the smile she puts on for her group of friends that surround her. There’s about five of them and they’re all beautiful , but none hold a candle to her. They’re hanging on Penelope’s every last word and I wonder if she’s telling them about the break up. 

Do I say go and say hi? Are we that kind of friends now? I don’t know and apparently my body doesn’t care either because I start walking over. She’s a magnet and I’m drawn to her. “Hey.” My smile is big when Penelope notices me, her sad eyes molt into happier ones. 

“What do you want?” One of the girls in the group blocks my view from Penelope and I feel like I’ve entered a battle field. “Your loser best friend isn’t here.” She tosses her red hair and it’s clear I’m the target in this fight. 

“I wasn’t, I’m just ...” My words are jumbled and I take a step back like I’m about to get burned. 

Penelope comes back into view and she’s looking at me with daggers, the happiness gone completely. Her hazel eyes look black, like there’s nothing behind them but dark holes of sorrow. “I don’t have the rest of our project ready.” She mumbles and turns to shut her locker. 

The redhead moves closer to me now and stands up tall, her lips smacking away as she chews gum. “Listen Josie, go tell MG he made the biggest mistake of his life. Breaking up with her? Is he crazy?” She’s loud and obnoxious and I feel my legs shake beneath me. 

“Cool it, Claire.” Penelope mumbles as she grabs the girl’s arm to pull her back. “Let’s get to class.” 

The rest of the girls turn in the other direction to head to first period, Claire slowly following, her eyes stare at me so intensely I’m afraid she’s trying to disintegrate me to ashes. Penelope’s the last to follow, she lingers by her locker and for a second I think she’s going to come up to me, to apologize for brushing me off, for acting like this weekend never happened, but she turns and walks away. 

My feet won’t move, they’re stuck like the floor is wet cement. I feel hurt and stupid. I should’ve never assumed Penelope and I would be friends now. I was just someone Penelope used because she needed me in the moment. She’s popular and cool while I’m Lizzie’s sidekick sister who is constantly getting walked all over. 

I thought this was different though. The hours Penelope and I spent together felt special and meaningful like it would be impossible not to exist in each other’s lives after realizing the instant connection that was there. 

But I was wrong. 

The warning bell signals and I head to Spanish class. I sit behind Lizzie who notices my bad mood. “Not now.” I growl quietly when she goes to ask me a question. I’m not in the mood to learn verbs, I don’t want to talk to Lizzie, I don’t want to hear MG go on about how he let her go, and I especially don’t want to see Penelope in third period when we have English together. 

But even as I sit here angry and hurt, I can’t dislike her because I know what she’s like when it’s just me and her. I know the way she feels beneath my fingertips, I know the delicious smell of her shampoo, I know the pitch of her genuine laugh and it hurts to know it could already be gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**[Penelope]**

The morning seems long and unforgiving as it becomes clear everyone knows about the break up. Girls are looking at me pitiful doe-like eyes and boys are staring longer than usual, their eyes meeting mine with a wink. It’s unnerving. 

The worst part of the morning is Josie, her face when I acted like nothing happened, the way her mouth fell open like she had been stabbed in the chest with a knife. It’s eating me from the inside out and I need to apologize to her. I didn’t mean to act like that, but I was surround by my friends and I didn’t want to explain the past few days. If anything I was protecting Josie from their vicious ways. 

I keep my head held high as I walk to third period because despite the break up I refuse to let a boy, whether it’s MG or not, make me look weak in front of my peers. I take extra long strides, half flipped behind my shoulder, and keep my eyes forward. I’ve spent my high school career being unattainable and strong, I wasn’t about to let that come crumbling down regardless of how much my heart was aching. 

I’ve been waiting for the break down. Waiting for my eyes to meet dark familiar ones, ones that held me down, ones that spent the past few years loving me. But so far we were both doing a good job avoiding each other. 

When I walk into the wood-paneled classroom I see Josie sitting near the far window. She’s in the second seat and I can tell she’s using all of her strength not to face the doorway. My feet quickly move through the rows of desks and I skip the one I normally sit in. 

A short brunette is sitting behind Josie and rambling on about something Josie clearly isn’t interested in as she continues to focus her gaze outside. “Hey, do you mind I steal this seat for today?” I’m overly nice and it pains me to plaster this smile on my face right now, but I need to apologize to Josie. 

The girl turns to look, lips pursed to decline, but when she sees my eyes narrow like there isn’t really a choice, she grabs her books. “Yeah, no problem!” 

“Josie.” I lay a hand on her shoulder, but the stubborn brunette continues to look out the window. “Can you please look at me?” 

She shakes her head no hard enough that her ponytail swishes back and forth. 

“Ok, fine.” I lean forward so that I’m a few inches away from her ear. I see the way her body tenses. It’s weird to be this close in proximity while in public, but looking back on the hours we had spent together, they had been filed with hand-holding, hugging, and even skin touching skin. I shake away the memory of our moment in the car. My cheeks feel hot at the thought, but it was nothing, I reassure myself. “I’m really sorry about before. That was mean and not fair to you, especially everything you’ve done this weekend. You know how girls can be. I thought I was protecting you from them, but-“ 

“Protecting me?” Josie turns so quickly that her ponytail whips me in the face. “I don’t need protecting.” Her full lips are pouting and she looks mad, something I’ve never seen on Josie. There’s red in her cheeks and those normally vibrant eyes are shooting daggers at me. I’m impressed. I’m even a little scared of her. “I thought this weekend meant we were friends. I was clearly wrong.” She turns around and I know that’s the end of this conversation. 

I don’t push because kids starts to pile into the classroom along with Mr. Reed, our English teacher. There’s already enough eyes on me today, I don’t need another reason for them to all whisper and stare. 

The next 45 minutes are slow and unbearable as Mr. Reed spends all class waving his hands about Lord Of The Flies. I normally don’t mind English, it makes you think, it’s not a single answer that’s wrong or right. But all I want is to talk to Josie because being so close to her reminds me of the way she makes me feel, safe and happy. I think of her kind words, the way her fingers fit perfectly in mine, her blissful dancing to the song Better, which I may or may not know every single word to now. 

The bell rings and I jump out of my seat to block Josie from leaving. “I’m really sorry Josie, I mean it.” 

She stands before me like she might forgive me. Her hand reaches out for a second like it’s magnetically drawn to mine, but then her softness fades and she’s sad. “You’re sorry. Got it.” She mumbles while squeezing herself between me in the desk. “I forgive you.” And she’s off. 

The day continues to drag on, even slower these next few hours. While I’m spending all of my efforts to avoid MG, I’m also spending them trying to find Josie in the crowd. I don’t know why I feel the need to make her realize how sorry I am. Part of me knows it’s out of selfishness. Without her, I don’t think I’ll survive this break up. She’s someone I feel safe with, someone  
who I can rely on, someone I didn’t have until MG. 

Seventh period is approaching and it’s the moment I’ve been dreading, but somewhere deep down the butterflies twirl around at the thought of seeing his caring features, the ones I miss seeing every morning. The normally long hallway feels short likes there’s not enough space for me to catch my breath. I know he’s there. I know he’s sitting in the 2nd row, the seat in front of mine, because that’s where he always sits and he’s always there before me. For a second, it feels like we’re still together, like I’ll walk in and he’ll be smiling at me like I’m his favorite sight in the world. 

But we’re not together. 

Up ahead, I see a brown ponytail sway in the swarm of teenagers and I know it’s Josie. She enters one of the science classrooms and I know what I should do. It’ll kill two birds with one stone ... 

“Hey, Mr. Graves.” I walk up to the frazzled looking teacher, his hair’s a mess and he can’t seem to find a number of papers. 

“Yes, Miss Park?” He looks up for a second, his beady eyes filled with suspicion. “What can I do for you?” 

“The principal needs to speak with Josie.” I say simply and turn to see Josie, her ears bright red.

The teacher looks between the two of us for a moment. I’m not the teacher’s favorite. I’m smart and diligent, but I skip class and don’t put enough work in. The type A teachers want me to fail, they like the hard workers like Josie who probably haven’t skipped a class in their entire lives. I can tell he doesn’t trust me as his index finger pushes his glasses up, but he looks at Josie and there’s no way she’d do anything sneaky. “Alright, go.” He waves her off and is back to searching his desk. 

Josie’s still for a second. She’s confused and angry, but I wag a finger for her to come and she’s out of her desk before I can even blink. 

“What’s going on?” She demands, her quick feet keeping up with my calm stroll. “Does the principal actually need to see me?” 

Rolling my eyes, I grab Josie by the arm and pull her to the entrance of school. Once we’re outside, despite Josie’s constant questions, I feel like I can really breath like the proximity of MG was stifling me all day and I didn’t even realize. 

“We’re going somewhere.” I smirk. 

Defiantly, Josie crosses her arms and keeps her feet steady on the cement. She’ll break soon though because it’s cold and I wish I had thought to grab our jackets before leaving. If there’s anything I’ve learned about skipping class, the quicker you leave, the less time you have to get caught. 

“Come on, Josie.” 

“No way. First of all, I’m not skipping class. Second, I’m mad at you.” 

“You said you forgave me, remember? 

Josie rolls her eyes like a tiny cartoon character and she huffs out a breath of steam into the cold air. “Well, I’m still mad.” 

“Fine, suit yourself.” I grab my car keys from my backpack and head off towards my car. “I really wanted you to come though.” 

There’s a moment of silence, but then I hear the pitter-patter of feet behind me. I can picture Josie, scurrying after, her nose a bright pink from the cold, hair swinging. She really is an adorable bunny.

Josie gets in the passenger seat, arms still crossed, and makes it a point to not look at me as I drive out of the lot. I like that she doesn’t ask any questions as to where we’re going, like she has full faith in me. 

We’re several miles through the drive when she seems to finally soften. When we pull to a stop sign I catch a glimpse of her, dressed in tights, a plaid skirt, and a black wool sweater that’s a size too big for her, she looks fragile without the tough face. 

“If I get caught skipping classes I’m telling them you kidnapped me.” Josie breaks the silence, her arms cross against her chest again. 

“Deal. You’re worth the trouble.” I half-heartedly giggle and take my eyes off the road to catch a multitude of expressions cross her face. She’s easy to read like an open book. Eyes wide with surprise, mouth dropped with shock, eyebrows crossed in something else I don’t exactly recognize before she settles on anger again. 

I turn my car down a heavily wooded path and go slow as we ascend. I’ve noticed Josie hates when I’m speeding and making sharp turns so I’m cautious about the speed limit. The car finally makes it way to a clearing and I park under a tall oak tree. I motion for Josie to follow me out the car and head to the trunk to grab a heavy blanket. 

As we step further into the clearing, the town of Mystic Falls comes into view and I hear Josie gasp at the sight. It’s a short enough hill where we can make out the school, our local movie theater, and tall enough where you can just make out the top of surrounding towns. 

I sit down on a single wooden bench that sits on top of the hill and feel Josie’s weight as she perches right beside me. Her eyes are scanning the entire town and I know she feels what I felt the first time I came here. The feeling that this town is small, that there’s a whole world out there, that right now won’t be forever.

“This is really beautiful .” She whispers into the comfortable silence. 

“I came here with my dad a lot. We used to start at the bottom and hike up it when I was younger. He said it cleared his head from my mom’s whining.” It’s weird to talk about my parents out loud because it still hurts that they split on bad terms, that the last three years they were together turned me into a colder version of myself than I already was because it turns out love doesn’t last. And while I thought MG might’ve been an exception of that, turns out I was right. “I come here a lot to just get away. Clear my head, you know?”

My eyes focus on the tiny school, wondering what MG thinks of my absence. I wonder if he’s sad or relieved. Probably both. 

“Come here.” I motion Josie closer when I notice her shaking and realize it was pretty dumb to come here in this weather. But I needed space from everything down there and I needed Josie with me. 

Her body rests against mine and I wrap the blanket around us, my arms then tightening against her shoulders. It feels good to be closer to her, like she’s some sort of life force. I feel the way she shakes from the cold and rub my hands along the sides of her arms. “Sorry, we can go soon. Just wait a few minutes.” There’s another reason why we came here and I want her to experience it with me. 

Josie nuzzles further into my body, “I’m good, really.” She looks back to smile at me and I feel relieved to see her happy again. “I’m warming up.” 

I smile back and pull my body weight closer to her. She feels small under my grasp and I can’t help but nuzzle into the back of her wool sweater. It’s feels warm against my cold nose as I take a deep breath, the smell of her warms my chest. She’s soft and loving and kind, every good thing I’m not. 

“I’m really sorry about today.” I whisper into her back. “I don’t want to be like that. Not with you. Not after you helped me.” 

Josie pulls one hand from my grip and finds my fingers so that they interlock like connecting puzzle pieces. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she really forgives me this time by the way her thumb strokes my palm and her body relaxes into mine. 

“Did you see him today?” She asks with concern, not like my other friends who fired rapid questions in search of juicy details. 

“No.” I sigh with uneasiness. I’m not proud of cowering away. I should have faced him and not given a shit because that’s what I normally would do, but he’s MG and it’s different. He was my rock and it kills me to know we’re not together. But right now there’s this girl who fits into my body like a glove and she may just be filling that void. “I wasn’t ready.” 

“It’s a fresh wound.” 

“Have you spoken to him?” My voice cracks at the thought of his voice, a velvety pitch that I ache to hear. 

“Yeah.” Josie murmurs. “He’s having a tough time too.” 

A deep and painful sigh escapes me as I picture him just as heart broken. Why did he have to give up on me? I’ve stopped trying to figure it out because no answer feels like enough. 

Suddenly, a white dust starts to fall from the sky and it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for. The first snowfall is my favorite day in Mystic Falls. It reminds me of MG when we would always spend the first day of snow snuggling by the fire watching movies and talking about life’s biggest mysteries. I had overheard kids talking about chances of snow this afternoon and the thought of being trapped in a room with MG while snowflakes fell outside could’ve caused me to crack and I wasn’t about to let a room of teenagers watch me cry, something I was doing too often for my liking. 

“Wow.” Josie gasps as she tilts her head to sky. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” 

“It’s amazing.” 

We sit there for a while longer despite the dropping temperature. The snow doesn’t stick to the ground so I’m not worried about driving back and watching the snow fall upon our tiny town is like turning on a Christmas movie. 

Our arms and legs continue to wrap around each other for warmth. It’s strange how comfortable I feel with her. I’m used to avoiding touch and emotions, but now I’m pulling Josie in closer like I can’t get enough. She’s comfortable and new and I like it. 

The snow doesn’t last long, but the wind picks up and as much as I enjoy having Josie in my arms I don’t think I can handle the cold anymore. We get back in the car and uncontrollably giggle as the heat takes over our bodies. 

I set the car in drive heading slowly down the hill, Josie flicking through radio stations until she decides on something she likes. I smile at Josie and she smiles back, no more anger in the lines of her face. I promise myself in this moment I won’t hurt Josie like that again. 

We have some more time to kill and I drive us back to my house since my mom’s at work and settle into my bed. I tell Josie to pick something to watch and she sits before my collection of DVDs I refuse to throw away because it’s something my dad and I enjoyed together. She chooses one in the middle of the pile that looks the least scary and pops it into my computer. 

The bed feels warm and cozy after spending time sitting outside. Josie’s cheeks are still tinted pink from the wind, her face is settled into a soft smile as she pulls the comforter up to her chin. 

We’re both sleepy as the movie drifts through scenes, Josie’s yawning and eventually settles into a light sleep, her back turned to me. I watch her as she tightens the covers around her like she can’t get warm enough and before I can think about it or put reasoning behind my actions, I move to Josie’s side of the bed, my arms finding their way around Josie’s warm body. I think she’s asleep until soft fingers find mine under the covers and lock themselves with mine. 

As I drift to sleep I think about how we make a pretty good pair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promise things will start speeding up from here ... :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been months since I've updated this, but it was hard with work and classes. Now that there's a quarantine, there's never been a better time to write. Sorry if there's a few typos and inconsistencies, I wanted to get something out just to get back into writing. Hope you all enjoy :)

**[ Josie ]**

It’s Thursday night just past 11 pm, my feet slowly padding up the stairs in hopes that my dad and Lizzie are already tucked away in bed. It’s the fourth night I’m home late, the fourth night that I’ve missed dinner, and the fourth night that I’ve spent with Penelope Park. 

I don’t know how it happened, but it did ... this unspoken routine that started between us. Since that Monday she apologized, when we skipped classes and I fell asleep with her arms wrapped around me, we’ve fallen into this pattern that I never want to fall out of. 

“Surprise, surprise. Look who’s home late again.” Words laced with sarcasm and annoyance greet my not so sneaky arrival. Lizzie’s sitting in her bed, a single light switched on like she’s an overbearing mom who has been waiting up sick all night for her child. But it’s my twin sister and somehow this feels worse. 

“Hey Lizzie.” I whisper into the silent hallway, my dad’s always been an early sleeper. I sent him a text earlier that I would be home late, that I’ve been busy studying for some big test again, which he believed unlike Lizzie. 

Lizzie watches me like a puma about to pounce on her prey. Her eyes narrowed at me, lips pursed in a straight line and I have to admit I’m scared under her gaze. “Where were you?” Her words are even as she’s watching me intrusively. I know she knows I’ve been spending time with Penelope, but I’m not able to admit it out loud. “Hmm?” She pushes as my silences continues. 

“I’ve just had a lot of work. I’ve been at the library.” 

“You’re an awful liar.” 

I enter Lizzie’s bedroom like I’m entering enemy territory. I sit at the edge of her bed as her eyes continue to track me. She’s my twin sister, the girl I’ve always told everything to. She’s my best friend and I’ve never held anything back, but for some reason I just can’t bring myself to explain the Penelope situation. She wouldn’t understand or maybe she would and she’d say the things I’ve been trying not come face to face with. 

“I’ve just been really busy.” 

For a second I catch the disappointment in her eyes. I can tell she’s hurt by my secrecy because we rarely keep secrets from each other. Her eyes look sad as she shakes her head, “Why are you lying?” 

Because I’m hanging out with Penelope Park ... the girl you despise ... the girl that was recently broken up with by my best friend ... the girl I can’t stop thinking about … because everyday I wake up looking forward to when I’ll see her next … 

Penelope and I haven’t become best friends overnight where we spend lunch gossiping or walking down the hallways arms linked. She still has her friends at school and I have mine, but every morning she’ll stop by my locker and say good morning and during class we’ll pass each other notes back and forth. She’s making an effort, even when she’s around her friends, and that’s all I needed. 

However, everyday after school when my club meetings are over, Penelope’s parked out back waiting for me. Everyday she’s there, stereo turned up loud, dark sunglasses on, and a smile spreading across her face as I skip out the back doors. 

But I know what I’m doing is wrong. I’m reminded of it everyday when I see MG. 

“You’re acting different. I don’t like it.” Lizzie’s voice brings me back to reality. “I know who you’ve been spending time with, I’m not stupid.” 

“I’m not acting different.” My voice is harsh. I see MG’s face in my head, his sad eyes when he talks about Penelope. He doesn’t bring her up much anymore, it’s like he doesn’t want to face the choice he made, but when he does I know not being with her is killing him. “You just don’t like that I’m not following you around everywhere.” 

Lizzie’s jaw drops and I feel the tension thicken in the air. Her eyes wash over me like she doesn’t recognize me. “That’s not true Josie.” Maybe it isn’t, but I know that me being absent this week isn’t making Lizzie happy. She likes when I’m around, ready to handle her problems or mistakes. “Does MG know that you’ve been spending time with her? I can’t imagine he’d be happy about you hanging out with his ex-girlfriend.” 

The words hit me hard and I feel like I might be sick. Of course MG doesn’t know about this I feel like yelling. I can’t even imagine his reaction, I’ve rarely seen him mad. How would I even bring up the subject? ‘Hey MG I’ve been hanging out with Penelope everyday after school and I think I’m falling for her’. That would go over great. 

“He doesn’t know. It’s complicated, okay?” I get up to head for my room. It’s late and I’m too tired to process all of this guilt. 

“Josie.” Lizzie calls my name before I reach the door and as I turn back around she’s crawling under her covers. “Think about the consequences.” Her lights go off and I’m caught in blackness. 

When I finally get into bed I grab my phone, fingers hovering over the keyboard. I want to text MG, to confess that I’ve been spending time with Penelope, that I may have a crush on his ex-girlfriend. He’s my best friend, the person who has always been there for me, the person that I’ve never kept a secret from. I picture his generous smile in my head, his welcoming eyes and I realize that I miss him. He’s been quiet and distant which I can’t blame him for. He’s going through a lot and I’ve been distant myself. I type out: “Hey, just want to say I’m here for you, always. Miss you. Feels like it’s been forever since we’ve hung out.” Sent. 

Even though I know I should stop hanging out with Penelope because it’s MG’s ex-girlfriend and because she’s my sister’s high school rival, I know that I’m too far in to quit now. She’s like a drug. When I’m around her I feeling amazing and happy and euphoric. She’s fun and beautiful and dangerous. When I’m away from her though, it’s hurts and I’m just counting down the time till I can get my next fix. 

***

Friday morning goes by quickly. Everyone’s in a good mood knowing that there are only a few classes separating them from the weekend. Decorations for homecoming have started to make their way into classrooms and hallways. I inwardly groan as I make my way to my locker before lunch and watch one of the seniors adorably ask a junior to homecoming with a dozen red roses. 

Our homecoming dance is open to all grades, our gymnasium stuffed to the brim with students. Each year it seems like proposals get more in depth and somehow I’ve found that the only boys that ask me are the friends of Lizzie’s date like I’m a consultation prize. 

I’m wallowing in self pity, my mind blocking out the hustle of students, their voices loud with talks of their plans for Friday night. I’m brought back to reality when I notice the excited chatter has turned into shouting and yells. 

It’s definitely girls. Their voices are hard to detect from the growing crowd of onlookers. It’s when I hear one of the voices hit a level that shouldn’t be humanly possible and instantly recognize Lizzie. I slam my locker closed and push my way through the crowd circled around Lizzie and her surprising counterpart, Penelope. 

“Stay away from my sister! It’s bad enough you already sunk your fangs into MG.” Lizzie’s shouting at Penelope, her finger pointed at the brunette. I’ve seen Lizzie mad, but I’ve never seen so much fire behind those normally icy blue eyes. 

My eyes dart to Penelope, I’m expecting her to be on the defense, but instead she’s standing there, arms crossed and a smirk spread across her perfectly structured face. She looks like she’s watching a wild animal at the zoo, like Lizzie was made for her amusement. I can’t help the thoughts that swirl in my head. I can’t help that she looks extremely sexy. She’s collected and calm, clearly holding all the power. I imagine the way she kisses, it’s probably gentle and aggressive at the same time, her mouth tasting of cinnamon and vanilla. 

_Not the time Josie_ , I snap myself out the daydream that I’ll definitely be revisiting. 

“What’s going on?” My voice is loud, but not enough to be heard by Lizzie who is seeing red. I run into the circle, ready to step between the two girls. I feel responsible for this. 

In a matter of seconds, as I make my way in front of Lizzie, her hand goes to swing. As if in slow motion, I see her hand curl into a fist, meant for Penelope, but instead directed at me. Hands grab my shoulders and I’m being pulled back just before the fist meets my face.

Penelope quickly steps in front of me, her hand reached out behind her for mine. My fingers instinctively tangle with hers. Everything feels hazy like the past 5 seconds happened so fast that I can’t keep up. 

“And I’m the one that’s going to hurt her?” The words sound distant like I’m underwater, but I know they’re Penelope’s. 

I finally look up, past Penelope and at Lizzie, her face frozen in shock and horror. The fire in her eyes has completely gone out and she’s looking at me like I’m the most fragile person she’s ever seen in her life. “Josie, I didn’t realize- I didn’t mean-“ 

Her words are cut off short as students start to disperse, shouts about a teacher coming ring through the hall and before I know it, Penelope is gripping my hand with more force and pulling me along with the rest of the students. She twists and turns down hallways like she has a destination in mind. 

“In here.” She finally stops and opens a closet door I’ve never noticed before. 

The space is small and cramped, shelves line the walls stacked with textbooks and chemistry equipment. My head slowly starts to defrost from the event that just happened. I picture Lizzie’s face, scrunched in rage. She’s always been protective over me, but this was on a level I’ve never seen. “What happened?” I look up, my eyes locking with Penelope. If I’m not mistaken they look sad and she’s looking at me like I’m fragile, just the way Lizzie did.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Penelope’s words catch me off guard. 

“What? Of course not!” I reach out to grab Penelope’s hand, but she pulls always. “What happened out there? What did Lizzie say to you?” 

I try to meet Penelope’s gaze, but she’s looking everywhere else, lost in thought. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this, like she’s kicked a puppy with one leg. 

Anger runs through my veins as I try to think what Lizzie could have said. She’s always been the leader, always rubbing in the fact that she was born a mere five seconds before me and therefore is older. She alway thinks she has say over everything we do, but this is crossing the line. 

“Penelope.” My voice is soft and she finally looks at me, eyes filled with disappointment. “What happened?” 

“I was just minding my own business when your psycho sister started attacking me in the hallway. Yelling about you and me ... something about me taking advantage of you.” The normally calm, cool, and collected Penelope is anything but. “And then she almost hit you. Well, it was aimed towards me, but it could have been you. Are you okay?” 

Am I okay? Penelope was the one accosted in the hallway and yet she still thinks about me. I try to will the swirling in my stomach, the one that keeps getting stronger and stronger the more time I spend with her. It doesn’t help that I’m inches away from her. The dim lighting is hitting her face so perfectly that I can see the exact curves of her cheekbones. The normal high arch of her eyebrows are settled into a softer line so that she looks younger and softer. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I tell her dismissively because I should be asking her that question. “I just feel bad. I know Lizzie’s protective, but that was just ...” I want to scream at Lizzie. I hate the way Penelope’s looking at me right now. I hate that she’s looking at me like she knows she’s going to break me, like one day she might decide she’s done with me and I won’t be okay. And maybe that’s true. Penelope is popular and beautiful and has this unattainable way about that her that makes everyone worship the ground she walks on. But in this moment, in this tiny closet, I don’t care if I’ll be hurt by this friendship in the future. I just want her in my life right now despite the outcome. “I don’t think you take advantage of me.”

“What if you don’t realize it though? You know you’re so nice to the point where you put blinders up sometimes? I know I’m not the best person, in fact, I’m probably kind of awful. Meanwhile you’re completely selfless and I’m just not.” 

With a firm shake of my head and a deep sigh, I close the small gap between Penelope and I. My hands find the side of her face so that she can’t look away. “You’re not awful. I’ve gotten to know the real you and well, you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m nice, but I’m not dumb. I make my own decisions and I’m willingly choosing to spend my time with you because you’re amazing and kind whether you realize it or not.” 

A think silence hangs in the air and for a second I think I might have scared Penelope off. Her eyes start to tear, the water pooling so that eyes look like they’re glowing. 

“I think you might be my favorite person that I’ve ever met.” A wide smile breaks on Penelope’s face and I can’t help but bring her forehead to mine. A giggle escapes her mouth and it sends chills up my spine. There’s no doubt I’m falling for this girl. 

Penelope wraps her arms around my shoulders so that I can feel her fingers brush the back of my neck. As she leans her head back slightly I realize I’ve never been this close to her face before. In the past week I’ve recognized Penelope and I have this magnetic attraction. I’ve never thought much into it, I just assumed it was the excitement of newfound friendship, but in this moment it dawns on me that it could be more. 

At first it was reassuring hand holding when Penelope was still crying over MG and soft touches when we would share secrets. Then it took a step further when I was settled on Penelope’s lap and the way that night turned into her cuddling me while I fell asleep. Everyday after school it seems like we always find an activity that gives us an excuse to be close. On Tuesday Penelope suggested we take advantage of half-price tickets at the movies, of course it was a horror movie. Those seem to be growing on me though because every time I covered my eyes, Penelope would wrap her arms around me and I’d nuzzle my head into her chest. On Thursday I suggested we cook a fancy meal to which Penelope groaned about because she can barely make toast. However, cooking turned into me standing behind her, arms wrapped her and showing her how to knead dough for a pizza. 

Standing this close to Penelope now, our faces so close, I realize that this might not be just a school girl crush. Maybe Penelope feels the same way I do. 

Penelope rubs her thumb against the back of my neck, our noses an inch from touching. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I won’t hurt you.” 

“I trust you.” 

She’s looking at me like she needs me again, like we were meant to cross paths for a reason. She leans in, her nose brushing against mine and I feel like I might faint from our proximity. I can feel her breath against my face, it’s warm and making me dizzy. It’s hard to think when this beautiful girl is so close, when her lips are inches away from mine. 

I want to kiss her. I want her to kiss me. 

The two of us, linked by an strong force, slowly brush our lips against each other. It’s not a kiss, but it’s something. I can feel her smile against mine and I lean in one more time so that there’s a little more force. 

Suddenly, like a bad rom com, a vibration sounds and Penelope pulls away as if I’ve electrocuted her. “Fuck, my phone.” She mutters and pats herself down till she finally finds it in her back pocket. I watch as her eyes look alarmed at the caller ID. She quickly peaks up at me and then back down to her phone before sending the call to voicemail. “I need to go, I, uh, forgot I have to meet up for a project.” Her eyes shift around the tiny closet like she’s just become aware of her surroundings. It’s a look of shock and slight fear. 

The worried look in those forest eyes causes my heart to sink. The moment is over and Penelope’s grabbing her stuff from the floor to leave. I pretend to take my time getting my backpack from the ground, I can’t bare to look at Penelope. What if that almost-kiss scared her? 

I picture her at lunch with her friends, Claire bragging about some college guy she made out with over the weekend. Penelope pictures our lips brushing in a closet located in the science wing, she freaks out because it’s a girl and I’m Josie, her ex-boyfriend’s best friend. The pit in my stomach grows larger and I can’t tell if I want to cry or throw up. My eyes continue to focus on my backpack, waiting for Penelope to leave because if there’s fear or doubt or disgust in Penelope’s eyes I won’t be able to handle it. 

In the past few weeks I’ve seen the walls Penelope has built up over time come crumbling down. I’ve seen a side of her I don’t believe many other people have seen and I don’t want them to build back up because I’m falling for the girl. 

A soft tug comes at my sleeve and I look up to see Penelope, her fingers wrap around my arm and they give me a light squeeze. There’s still some shock in her eyes, but the fear is gone and her mouth curves to a tiny smile. “See you after school? Same spot?” 

Blood rushes back to my face and I can feel my cheeks grow a deep pink. “Yes!” I cant help the enthusiasm because she’s smiling at me and her fingers are wrapped around my arm and it’s enough to give me reassurance that her walls aren’t going going up, at least not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> _[this story will be alternating between Penelope and Josie's POV]_


End file.
